Thoughts and Pictures 3 Weeks In

Today (tonight really) marks 3 weeks since Josiah has joined our family.  It seems so long ago. How strange to think it has been such a short time!

 We've had water gun fights. Thank you, Grandma, for the new water guns.   

 Josiah has already been introduced to the world of wrestling.  

Judah took Josiah for a ride on the 'hog' in the basement.

 Josiah had his first trip down the water slide. He wasn't too excited about it and only ventured up a few times.  Oh, but he laughed and laughed watching everyone else slide down.  

We had our first Mother's Day together. I wish I could write and tell you it was a great day.  Truthfully, it was a disaster.   In fact, just getting a picture proved difficult.  Some days are just easier than others.

Lyza has had a few firsts too. She's been introduced to cereal (on Mother's Day) and she loved it.  She didn't do to bad with a spoon either.  

I have been considering how to do this first post.  I've been putting it off~ trying to decide.  The words have been floating around in my mind for a week and a half now.  I just wasn't sure how much to expose and what to leave covered.  How much do I share and what are my motives for sharing?  You see, I have been asked 'How's the adjusting going?' more times than I can count. My answer is usually the same --a half smile, a raise of the eyebrows and a 'Oh, we're adjusting or it's going or not too bad or nothing we didn't expect.'  The answer is not too deep or exposing, hints at difficulties but ultimately lets you know we're fine.

And we are.  We're fine.  Not because we always know what to do or because it's easy or he smiles all day long and whistles while he walks about the house doing the cute firsts while the camera snaps pictures.  The pictures aren't misleading.  We've had all of those moments.  *ok, the mother's day picture IS misleading.*  We've had smiles and hugs and kisses.  Josiah crawls up in our laps and smiles with his whole body.  It makes your heart melt.

Those are moments.  They come and go.

What you don't see is our cute son throwing himself on the floor~ raging~ kicking and screaming, hitting, throwing things, and whatever else he can simply because he was told no.  For something little.  Or he doesn't understand.  Or worse, I don't understand him.  Or daddy left.  Or Judah/Moses have a toy he wants.  Or, well, the list goes on and on and on.  You don't see the night terrors or what happens when a 4 year old doesn't know how to use the western potty and has to go poo in the middle of the night because he still has jet lag.  And there's more but I won't go on.  The point is.......Josiah is grieving.  He doesn't have a means of communication to express it and it comes out in a million different ways of acting out.  We expected it.  It's ok and normal for where he is at.  But it's DIFFICULT.

Why share it?  I don't know....except we are asked daily how it is going. This is how it is going.  It's real. It's not pretty.  Adoption isn't all rainbows and hand holding and smiles.  Nope.  Those things are there ~sometimes.  But it's work.  No, it's a work of the Lord.  We don't adopt (or continue to adopt) because it is self-fulfilling and self-gratifying.  Sure, we know what we've done and how we've changed a child's life.  That's good.  The 'goodness' of it isn't reason enough to adopt.

We aren't doing this for a pat on the back and a 'good job' and 'you're a good person' from family, friends and strangers.  Those words could NEVER carry us through the days I described above.  It's not enough.  Words are weak and empty when measured against cleaning your carpet for the 3rd time that day while a baby and 2 or 3 toddlers scream in the background.  Words are empty and useless UNLESS they are the WORDS of God.  THIS is why we continue to grow our family.  Why we are willing to pay the fees, travel the world and bring home a child who (at first) is angry, hurt and completely unappreciative of ANY of the sacrifices we have made.  A child who demands and wants and doesn't care that we have changed the face of our family to make room for him.  Because of WORDs with power, like this.............

¹² Therefore, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, put on tender mercies, kindness, humility, meekness, longsuffering; ¹³ bearing with one another, and forgiving one another, if anyone has a complaint against another; even as Christ forgave you, so you also must do. ¹⁴ But above all these things put on love, which is the bond of perfection. ¹⁵ And let the peace of God rule in your hearts, to which also you were called in one body; and be thankful. ¹⁶ Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly in all wisdom, teaching and admonishing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing with grace in your hearts to the Lord. ¹⁷ And whatever you do in word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through Him.   Colossians 3:12-17

¹⁴ Do all things without complaining and disputing, ¹⁵ that you may become blameless and harmless, children of God without fault in the midst of a crooked and perverse generation, among whom you shine as lights in the world, ¹⁶ holding fast the word of life, so that I may rejoice in the day of Christ that I have not run in vain or labored in vain. 

¹⁷ Yes, and if I am being poured out as a drink offering on the sacrifice and service of your faith, I am glad and rejoice with you all. ¹⁸ For the same reason you also be glad and rejoice with me.  Phillippians 2:14-18

Therefore, having been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, ² through whom also we have access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and rejoice in hope of the glory of God. ³ And not only that, but we also glory in tribulations, knowing that tribulation produces perseverance; ⁴ and perseverance, character; and character, hope. ⁵ Now hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out in our hearts by the Holy Spirit who was given to us.  Romans 5:1-5   

Adopting has brought new meaning to putting on tender mercies, kindness, meekness, longsuffering and bearing with one another.  I'm learning not to complain in the midst of difficulties.  I'm learning what it means to be poured out ~because at the end of the day....I'm done and there is nothing left.  I've gotten to talk to my bigs about what it is to glory in tribulations and the growth that comes from it and where their hope lies and how they stand in GRACE.  So many good things.  

In today's world, we run from suffering.  We avoid it because it's painful.  The Word of God says differently.  We are saved through suffering.  Our salvation cost Jesus.  There was a price to be paid and pain to be experienced.  Why should the adoption of our son be any different?  It costs us and it's painful.  But there is beauty rising from these ashes........

Beauty that we've already seen with Moses and Judah.  Now, they run into Mommy and Daddy's bedroom in the morning with a joyful heart singing, "Morning Daddy!  Morning Mommy!"  Oh, it'll come.  We've already seen peeks of our future.  The day before yesterday we went a whole day without one single rage!  Not one.............  

So, THIS is where we are at.  Pray for us.  Pray for our son.  Don't pity us or feel sorry for us.  We are right where we should be.  We won't be here forever.  But for now, we trust our Creator for the things we which pain us, knowing it's a worthy battle we fight.  The life of a child who was lost in an orphanage......that life has new meaning, new value and a fresh start.